A Love Blur

I love Project Transformation.  I'm SO happy to be here, I've been blessed with a wonderful team, and I feel that it was God's decision to bring me to Texas this summer.

However, it is not always easy.  I get frustrated, my patience bucket gets a little low, and I am usually exhausted by the end of the day (Hence why I haven't blogged in a little while).
Time is starting to run short here and I can't help but feel like I haven't accomplished nearly half of the things I had dreamed up for the summer.  The combination of being short on weeks left and being big on things I still haven't gotten to do with my youth leads to doubts..

Did we really impact the kids this summer?

Will they remember my face and my lesson plans?

Did we do anything that really matters?

These doubts are normal.  I remember having them last summer around this time as I got set to leave my high school students in Fresno, and I'm not surprised by their presence in my mind this summer.  We all want so badly to make a difference.  We all want to be liked and admired and we want our kids to know how much we love them and how much some of us have sacrificed to be here with them.

 But do they?

Maybe I will never truly know, but this morning I had the opportunity to have my Friday experience at the Perkins' School of Theology here at SMU.  One of the professors at the school said something that really stuck with me.

She referred to what we're doing as a love blur.

She told a story of going on a mission trip where one of her main jobs was to hold the babies and young kids in the village.  She then went on to say how she had to leave, but she left with the knowledge that someone would come in after her who would love them just the same.  She left me with the thought that maybe the kids won't remember my name in a few years.  Maybe they won't remember the different, original themes that we came up with.  Maybe they won't ever know the time and energy we put into entertaining them.

But what they will remember is feeling loved.
Feeling safe in a place where they knew they could be themselves.

What they'll remember is people who cared for them and played with them.

One of the most important things I remembered because of her sentiment is that it's really not even about me.  It's not about whether I'm remembered or whether I'm their favorite.


It's all about the love.